Wednesday 20 January 2016

Don't Go On Another Date Till You Read This!

When I think back to the days of dating, it makes my stomach quench, as it was a disappointing and yet exciting experience for me. The highs, the lows; it felt like I was on a never ending roller coaster ride. The expectations filled my head like a balloon about to explode. Before every date I went on, I would have daydreams of meeting Mr. Right that filled my mind like words fill a dictionary. You know that daydream, the one where a tall, dark haired, gorgeous man sweeps you off your feet, and carries you off to Lover LoverLand. Well to make a long story short, that so called date never happened. However, my Prince Charming eventually did show up when I decided to let go of all expectations. It finally happened because I made a conscious effort to live my life from an authentic and open space. 

On a daily basis I meet women who are in the exact same situation as I was, and it makes me think; if only I knew then what I know now. Dating is supposed to be a fun, exciting, and happy time in a single girls’ life. A time to feel excitement and pleasure; not a time to feel angst and disappointment. 

If this in anyway sounds like you, follow these 3 tips to help you let go of expectations when dating once and for all! 

#1 Date for the Experience rather than a Relationship. 
Telling yourself that you want to go on a date for a “fun” experience, rather than to find the love of your life can feel completely contradictory. When dating, the hardest part is letting go of the expectations of marrying the man or woman of your dreams. The subconscious mind holds so many expectations, which can lead to countless disappointments. These expectations can also chip away at your self love. Sometimes when the relationship doesn’t manifest, you end up beating yourself up; thinking maybe if you were prettier, smarter, more charismatic it could have worked out. Being aware of these expectations is the first step to releasing them. 

When you find yourself having expectations before a date, say affirmations to ground yourself and to ease the subconscious mind. The more you can let go of these expectations, the more fun, authentic, and enjoyable your experiences become. You can say the affirmation: “I let go of any expectations for this date. I enjoy and savour the present moment.” When meeting your date instead of looking at them like they could be a potential life partner, change your mindset and say the affirmation: “I let go of any expectations and I am present.” 

#2 Listen and Try not to Judge
When you are on a date, it can sometimes be difficult to just listen. When you are too busy judging a person’s looks or attractiveness, thoughts come flooding in and it can be difficult to just listen to what the person is saying; this itself takes away from the dating experience. It is absolutely normal that mind chatter will come up, but just being aware of your thoughts can help to drop any judgement. When you start dating for experiences, you can have a great time no matter who you are with. Think of it like getting to know a friend who comes from a different background, set of experiences, beliefs and values. Enjoy the food, the ambience, and just smile. Imagine you are watching a movie, and the other person is acting out a role and reading a script. Try your best to just appreciate the movie, whether it is horror, comedy or a plain old documentary. Just observe, listen, and be present for the film and who knows; you might just have a pleasant time watching.  

#3 Keep your Options Open
Sometimes when you find someone who you like and are attracted to, the ability to over-embellish an idea of who that person is can occur. When you put all of your eggs in one basket right at the beginning, you are setting yourself up for disappointment if the person does not choose you. This is when you fall the hardest, as you have invested so much energy after so little time. When you meet someone who could be a potential life partner, this is when you need to be open to the possibilities of other people. Continue to see other people, as this is your time to experience dating. When you keep your options open, you are sending a message to your subconscious that you are not invested in a specific outcome. This allows your energy to be open to the possibilities that serve your highest interest. 

Think of it like buying a car. You want to buy a good quality car to get you around town. Do you go to the dealership and look at one car, and buy it without a test drive. Or do you spend time with the car to find out if you really like it? Do you look at several cars, making sure you  buy the one that suits you perfectly; the way it looks, the way it runs (it’s engine), the way you feel around it. Hopefully you would be choosy in this situation, as you are investing your valuable time and money. It’s the same as finding a potential life partner. You are investing your time, energy, and space. Why would you invest everything into one person without getting to know who they really are? 

I hope these tips help you as much as they did me. Remember to have fun, not take things to seriously, listen and be sure to shop around. Happy dating everyone, and don’t forget you are worth it!